Traditionally, women expected inequality in marriage, looking for husbands who were older, taller, richer, and more intelligent than themselves. Not surprisingly, these same husbands continue to earn more and expect their careers to take precedence. We used to be taught to avoid even the appearance of equality lest it threaten the marriage and lead to competition and conflict. Today, women seek equality, but the male game of “Anything you can do, I can do better” makes for a dull world.
lk 109
And in situations where a man and a woman each receive negative feedback, the woman’s self-confidence and self-esteem drop to a much greater degree.
lk 30
Ask a man to explain his success and he will typically credit his own innate qualities and skills. Ask a woman the same question and she will attribute her success to external factors insisting she did well because she “worked really hard,” or “got lucky,” or “had help from others.” Men and women also differ then it comes to explaining failure. When a man fails, he points to factors like “didn’t study enough” or “not interested in the subject matter”. When a woman fails, she is more likely to believe it is due to an inherent lack of ability.
lk 30
Women have traditionally been regarded as conservative and inclined to stay at home. Going forth to seek adventure as been regarded as male speciality—running away to sea, joining the circus, seeking new worlds to conqure. But conquest is not the best route to learning.
lk 66
…she was largely unaware that being female can be just as much of disadvantage as being black. “You’ve got to get out of the household at least for a moment to meet up with the race question, but you wake up every day meeting the gender queation, so you donät even notice it. It’s pretty intimate.”
lk 44
Multiple studies in multiple industries show that women often judge their own perfomance as worse than it actually is, while men judge their own perfomance as better than it actually is.
lk 29
(Dr. Peggy McIntosh) explained that many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recogntion, they feel underserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achivers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are—imposters with limited skilles or abilities.
lk 28
Today, the materials and skills which a life is composed are no longer clear. It is no longer possible to follow the paths of previous generations. This is true for both men and women, but it is especially true fo woman, whose whole lives no longer need be dominated by the rhythms of procreation and the dependencies that these created, but who still must live wiht the discontinuities of female biology and still must balance confliciting demands. Our lives not only take new directions; they are subject to repeated redirection, partly because of the extensions of our years of health and productivity. Just as the design of a building or of a vase must be rethought when the scale is changed, so must the design of lives. Many of the most basic consepts we use to construct a sense of self or the design of a life have changed their meanings: Work. Home. Love. Commitment.
lk 2
Professional ambition is expected of men but is optional—or worse, sometimes even a negative—for women. “She is very ambitous” is not a compliment in our culture. Aggressive and hard-charching women violate unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Men are continually applauded for being ambitious and poweful and successful, but women who display these same traits often pay social penalty.
lk 17
A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential while women are promoted based on past accomplishments.
lk 8
Legendary investor Warren Buffet has stated generously that one of the reasons for his great success was that he was competing with only half of the poplulation.
lk 7
Mehi võetakse tõsiselt, kui nad ei naerata; ent kui naine ei naerata, küsitakse tihti: “Mis viga on?”
lk 207
Kui tüdrukud on veel väikesed, on nad sageli täiuslikud ning rõõmustavad, kui kõik neile seda ütlevad. Nad on nii viisakad, nii armsad, nii abivalmid ja nii varaküpsed. Tüdrukud õpivad usaldama hinnanguid, mida inimesed neile annavad. “Issand, kõik on minu vastu nii kenad; kui nad mind kritiseerivad, siis peab see olema tõsi.”/…/
Poistega tõreletakse ja neid karistatakse pidevalt. Kui jälgisime koolitunde põhikoolis, nägime, et poisse kritiseeriti käitumise eest kaheksa korda rohkem kui tüdrukuid. Samuti nimetavad poisid üksteist pidevalt sigadeks ja idiootideks. Seetõttu kaotavad hinnangud oma jõust palju.
lk 96
Tädi oli Jeanie isa ainus õde, hiljuti üheksakümneseks saanud, ikka veel elus ja elas rõõmsalt iseseisvalt oma Wimbeldoni majas. See vaimukas ja teravate sinisete silmadega — mille ka Jeanie oli pärinud — naine töötas sõja ajal vastuluures ning oli pärast seda ihuüksi oma vanemate eest hoolitsenud. Selle aja peale, kui ta kuuskümmend sai, olid need mõlemad surnud ning tädi Normast, kes oli senimaani ümbruskonnas tuntud kui kinnastatud ja kübaraga vanatüdruk, sai silmnähtavalt boheemlane, kui ta oma söögitoa stuudioks ümber tegi ja maalima hakkas. “Kuuskümmend on paradiis,” ütles ta Jeanile, kui nad kord istusid ja teed jõid. “Maailm on sinuga lõpparve teinud, sa oled muutunud praktiliselt nähtamatuks, eriti veel, kui oled naine. Mulle meeldib mõelda, et see on su kolmas elu. Kõigepealt on lapsepõlv, siis täiskasvanuea nõuded — töö, pere, kohustused — ja alles siis, kui kõigi meelest on kõik lõppenud ja sa istud vanuripõlve prügimäel — ja vabadus! Sa saad lõpuks ometi olla sina ise, mitte see, keda ühiskond sinus näha tahab, mitte see, kes sa enda arvates olema peaksid. “
“Kas see pole mitte põlvkonniti erinev?” oli Jeanie küsinud. “Meie omad on ju väga vabameelsed, feminismi võidukäigust saadik võime me teha, mida tahame.”
Tädi Norma oli targalt noogutanud. “Kas ikka võite? Kas võite kohe tõesti?” Ta oli naeratanud, sinised silmad säramas. “Mulle tundub, et ootused kehtivad veel praegugi… pere ja nõnda edasi.” Ta oli pead vangutanud. “Aga teisalt, mida mina ka tean?”
lk 40—41
Isegi meestel on igavest noorust ja ilu ülistavas ühiskonnas parajalt raske toime tulla, aga naised kannatavad selle tõttu veel enam. Põhjus on selles, et mehi on ajalooliselt iseloomustanud midagi niisama väärtuslikku kui noorus — nimelt võim. Naised on alles hiljuti hakanud võimu juurde pääsema. Mees võib olla kortsuline ja hallipäine, kuid ta kõrge ühiskondliku või majanduslik positsioon korvab tema puudused. Naistel nii hästi ei lähe. Kui vanema mehe kohta märgitakse, et ta on soliidses eas, siis naine väidetakse tihti olevat närtsinud või ühe jalaga hauas, ühiskonna surve sunnib teda oma vanust varjama ja sellel on sageli valusad tagajärjed. Tänapäeva naisel on pärast menopausi elada veel üks kolmandik oma elust, kuid massikultuur annab mõista, et kui ta pole enam noor, heas vormis ega saa enam lapsi, on ta samahästi kui nähtamatu. /…/ Meid sunnitakse nagu lakkamatult võitlema ette kaotatud võitlust aja ja loodusseadustega.
lk 23
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